Have you ever tried to write a song? I have. Every so often, I get this mad impulse to imagine that I'm much better at guitar and songwriting than I really am, and I think I can write something amazing. Needless to say, it's never amazing.
It is fun though, and sometimes it works as a release. On the other hand, sometimes it's just plain frustrating. If you've ever tried and failed to do anything creative, you'll understand. You get all excited about it as you work on it, then over time you realize, nope, not what I wanted it to be at all.
Now, I have written a few songs I'm proud of, but I'm just not where I wanna be with my music skills. I think I have a good ear and mind for music. I can usually pick out the different instruments in a song (if they're real instruments and not somebody hitting computer keys), and I can follow the drumbeat pretty well. I notice dissonance and key changes. So yeah, I'm okay at it, theoretically.
That's the problem though. It's all theoretical. I understand it in my head but it just doesn't come out the way I want it to. Also, I think being in an academic environment is ruining my ability to write poetically. You know, starting off your song with a thesis statement doesn't really work all that well.
I guess I just don't practice enough, or have anyone to bounce it off of. Not to say that there's no one who would be able to give me advice. It's just, showing a song to someone is like letting them read your diary. True, they probably won't understand it, but still. They will wonder what it's all about and most likely ask and then you either have to tell them or find some excuse not to. It's just unpleasant.
If you have any advice how I can get myself out of this musical rut, let me know in a comment. It's really frustrating, especially since I don't get much support from the people I'm around most of the time.